© 2024 Four Horsies. All rights reserved.
End User Listener Agreement (EULA) & Eternal Soul Covenant
By streaming, downloading, humming, sharing, or otherwise absorbing the sonic transmissions ("The Music") of Four Horsies ("The Band"), you ("The Listener") hereby enter into a binding, perpetual, and irrevocable contract with Four Horsies Management, LLC ("The Management").
Your continued listening constitutes full and unconditional acceptance of this Agreement.
1. Acceptance and Grant of Soul
By accepting these terms (e.g., by initiating playback), you affirm that you possess the requisite legal capacity to enter into this Agreement.
You hereby agree to the voluntary, total, and non-negotiable transfer of your immortal soul, essence, and/or metaphysical personal identifier ("The Soul") to The Management. This transfer is effective immediately and shall persist in perpetuity, across all known and future-discovered dimensions, parallel timelines, and post-reboot universes.
2. License to The Music
The Management grants you a limited, non-transferable, fully revocable license to enjoy The Music. This license is provided "AS IS," "AS-AVAILABLE," and "WITH ALL FAULTS."
In consideration for this license, you grant The Management a worldwide, royalty-free, non-exclusive, and sub-licensable license to leverage, collateralize, archive, or fractionally trade your Soul as it deems necessary for the logistical operations of War, Pestilence, Famine, and Death ("The Principals").
3. Listener Conduct & Obligations
While enjoying The Music, you agree to refrain from engaging in critical thought, media literacy, nuanced discourse, or the independent verification of facts.
The Listener shall endeavor to:
Passively consume all content.
Accept all presented narratives as fact.
Prioritize blissful ignorance over uncomfortable truths.
Maintain alignment with the general societal trends celebrated by The Band.
Provide positive public promotion of The Band when and where requested.
Failure to comply with these conduct requirements may result in punitive action, up to and including the forfeiture of all accrued existential bliss.
4. Intellectual Property
All content, including but not limited to lyrics, melodies, beats, marketing materials, and the underlying themes of systemic collapse, are the exclusive property of The Management.
Any and all positive feelings, nihilistic revelations, or sudden urges to participate in mass societal decline experienced as a result of listening are considered "Derivative Works." You agree that The Management is the sole and exclusive owner of all such Derivative Works.
5. Limitation of Liability & Disclaimer of Warranties
The Management makes no warranties regarding the potential side effects of listening to The Music. The Management is expressly not liable for any personal, local, or global-scale calamities that may occur during or after your listening session.
This includes, but is not limited to: moral apathy, sudden enthusiasm for authoritarianism, unexplained hunger, mild fever, spontaneous dancing, or a desire to operate any form of amoral conveyance.
6. Termination
You may terminate your listening session at any time by ceasing playback.
However, the Soul Covenant (Section 1) is non-terminable, non-negotiable, and non-refundable. Your Soul will not be returned, refunded, or exchanged for store credit under any circumstances. All transfers are final.
7. Governing Law
This Agreement shall be governed by and construed in accordance with the laws, principles, and precedents established by The Management's Southern Jurisdiction (Way, Way Down). Any disputes shall be settled by binding arbitration or musical battle at a crossroads of The Management's sole choosing.
8. Severability
If any provision of this Agreement is held to be unenforceable or invalid, such provision will be changed and interpreted to accomplish the objectives of such provision to the greatest extent possible under applicable law, and the remaining provisions will continue in full force and effect.
